In Deed and In Truth

thoughts from a Christian

My Pride

One of the most difficult things I’ve had to deal with is comparing myself to others who have walked the same road that I have.  There are many people whom I admire and respect, those who have accomplished so many things, accomplishments that I hope to achieve some day, achievements that I can’t seem to wait to lay a hold of.

Then there are individuals who are walking the same path that I am currently.  It’s a hard-fought battle for me, not to see them as competition or adversaries, but rather teammates and comrades.  It’s a feeling of one-upmanship, being pushed to be greater, to do better, to do more than the next person.  In a capitalistic American society, this is the right mind-set, but in the area of ministry, one can be considered delusional.

It was the apostle John that stated “He must increase but I must decrease.”  How absolutely necessary when speaking about our Savior and apropo when talking about our peers.

In my mind, I use Proverbs 27:17 as a quasi-justification for my emotions: “As iron sharpens iron, So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.”  My friends, my peers, those I look up to, are used to sharpen my countenance, therefore I must do the same.  I must be an iron to them to help sharpen their countenance.

But this in turn transforms into a challenge, a competition, a desire to “beat” and “win.”  It no longer becomes a humble ministry, but rather a prideful contest.

I can do more.  I can influence more people.  I can be more popular.  I can win.  I will win.

What sad state of affairs when this mentality has infiltrated my character.  I loathe myself because of it.  And it is not something that I can simply set aside.  I’ve been working so hard at it.  Everytime I see someone I love accomplish something great for the Lord, I hate that my first gut reaction is to ask myself “How can I top that?  How can I do better than him?”

This is all for the Lord.  And one of my greatest weaknesses is to assume otherwise due to the pride of life that has permeated throughout my thinking and my heart’s direction.  It is James that reminds me not to boast in my tomorrow, “Instead, you ought to say, ‘If the Lord wills, we shall live and do this or that.’ (James 4:15)

Unfortunately, I have “boast[ed] in [my] arrogance.  All such boasting is evil.”  (James 4:16)  My pride is but one of the thorns of my flesh.  It is this relocation to the Philippines that I hope my pride will be set aside in place of humility.  “For God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” (Prov. 3:34)

To my friends who walk this journey with me, in sincerity, humility, and love, your progress and achievements inspire me to do more but to be LESS.  Though I may not have voiced it to you, I ask that you forgive me for challenging you, and placing myself in a position to try and supercede you in my superficial, fictional contest of ministry.  Please pray for and teach me how to be more humble, to approach ministry and friendship the way you have with me; with genuineness and a fervor to simply serve the Lord out of obedience, not acclaim, prestige or rewards.

My delusional idea of a competitive ministry has brought me to the edge of my cliff.  It’ll be my pride, or lack thereof, that decides whether or not I take another step.

Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.  Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded! – James 4:8

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October 8, 2010 - Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

1 Comment »

  1. […] Click Here to Read the Rest of This Entry […]

    Pingback by In Deed In Truth… My Pride! « Events For Christ | October 20, 2010 | Reply


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