Autumn Reflection

I suppose it’s time for some reflection.  It’s been awhile since I’ve written anything on In Deed In Truth and it’s not for lack of content.  I’d even hate to pawn it off on lack of time.  But reality is reality.  Can’t fake the funk.

It has been a ridiculously insane 2 months.  The beginning of autumn was a progressive, forward thinking, looking toward new and exciting developments, time of the year.  On August 7, 2009, we welcomed our second daughter into the world.  The last 3 months has been filled with diapers, wipes, breast milk, screaming newborns, screaming older sisters, and not nearly enough time to cultivate and nurture the marriage between a husband and wife.  Up’s and downs.  In’s and Outs.  Kriss and Kross… don’t it make you wanna jump, jump.

Not only did the Lord give me another beautiful baby daughte, but my secular full time job maintains its consistent demands as well as the church in Pasadena, CA.  Unfortunately, many things had to take a back seat and the last 6 months has forced me to prioritize big time.

I’ve tried to maintain the level of activity with Events For Christ, but my family, church, and work has demanded more of my time and attention.  As much as I wanted to keep EFC going and growing, it was just far too difficult.  But things are starting to slow down and get into a nice rhythm.  EFC seems to be back on my radar and I can’t be more excited.  Thank you to all those who continue to encourage us with your support for Events For Christ

Not only is EFC back on my radar, but a brand new ministry movement has pushed itself to the front of the line.  The Road to Peace is a new ministry that the Lord has placed on my heart and I’ve obliged to undertake.  Starting with a rally this month, a conference in January, videos, pictures, books, t-shirts, sponsorships, collaborations, and the sort spewed about, needless to say, not much else has found its way into my schedule.  I have a team of 4 individuals with another 4 consultants.  It’s God’s providence that He doesn’t allow me to feel how big this may get.  We are the US division.  We already have a South African contingent.  Sometime in 2010, we’re hoping to be able to travel internationally and bring this movement overseas.  (We’re looking into penetrating the Philippine market starting in 2010 as well.)  Big ideas.  An even bigger God.

Speaking of the Philippines, a little birdie told me that there’s a need for my presence in Forest Hills, Cebu City, where the main organizational ministry is located.  As vice-chairman of EL International Church Inc, it’s important for me to be in the midst of all the goings on of EL International.  Lord willing, we’ll be opening our elementary school next year, continuing the construction of the building, attending to the details of the library, and adding more components to the computer lab.  Not to mention the 7 additional congregations that are currently planted.  There’s a congregation in Valenzuela city, PI that is still without a pastor but diligently worships and serves weekly.

As busy as I think I am here in the US, I know that things are 100 times more arduous and hectic in Pinas.  It helps me keep things in perspective.

My older sister warned me earlier this week of the work load that I’m carrying.  From her viewpoint, being the sole provider of my family and carrying everything else is unhealthy and hazardous to my heart.  A myocardial infarction might be in my future.  I pray that it’s not.

All in all, as busy as my days, nights, weeks, and weekends may be… as overwhelmed as I may potentially feel, I’m having fun.  I’m doing what I love to do, which is serve the Lord with all my heart, soul, mind and strength.  I don’t feel like I’m wasting any of my talents and gifts because I’m just focusing on giving it back to Him.  It brings joy to my heart.

And as long as my daughters rush to the door every time they hear me and usher me into my home with open arms and wide smiles, welcomed to a family based on love and support, God’s goodness is revealed to me every single day.

And I challenge God…Can it really get any better?

(Picture taken October 2009, Keilah Naomi at Finkbiner Park in Glendora, CA)

No Autographs Please

A while back, I remember having a conversation with someone at an event.  Our conversation was going quite well and we were discussing many issues of the ministry.  Mid sentence, he stopped me from talking and asked me if I could take a picture of him and the speaker for the evening, that had just so happened to be within proximity of where we were.  At that moment, our conversation ceased as his conversation with the other person began.

What am I to think?  Obviously what I was saying wasn’t nearly as interesting as what he could be talking about with the other person.  In retrospect, the look on his face as I was speaking made it look like he had mentally checked out and was just looking for an opportunity to ask me to take this famous photograph.

I can’t fault him for his actions.  If you want to talk to somebody, then you want to talk to somebody.  I just hope that I’m never the cause of a cancelled conversation.

Coming in a day and age where there is so much exposure, self made, man made with an ease of publicity, anybody at any time can become popular on many levels.  Want to show your face?  Youtube it is.  Got something to say.  Podcast.  Afraid of exposing your face or voice?  Get a blog.  Anybody, anywhere can come out of nowhere and rise to prominence and fame.  (Daniel’s little horn anyone?)

But just as everybody is going in one direction, hoping for that recognition, I’ve been spending the last few years, trying to stay away from the pull of popularity.  (Even at this moment, this blog is read only by my family and a few friends.  Though this entry may make me seem hypocritical, I assure you, my intent for this blog is not for popularity.  In due time, it will be a vehicle meant for more theological, educational purposes).

As carnal human beings, there are insecurities that lie in wait.  When others begin to feed our insecurities, the more we crave it.  When others shower us with praise and push us toward celebrity status, it’s hard to remain humble.  The enemy takes hold of any opening, and we begin down a slippery slope.

As a Christian, a believer in Jesus Christ, we should all be defined by service.  I work, do the things I do, sacrifice, and toil because I want to serve.  I want to serve because I was bought at a price.  I want to serve because greater love has no man than this, than a man serve (lay down his life for) his friends.  I need to serve… because Christ served me by dying for me.  This act of service shouldn’t be done with attaining worldy rewards in mind.

Other pastors, preachers, teachers, speakers, evangelists, theologians, and clergy leaders may love the attention, crave it, and possibly handle it better than I could.  Kudos to them.  However, let’s not be mistaken.  I’m not saying that ALL attention is bad.  I just don’t want any additional attention that might tempt me to think of myself as anything more than a servant of God.

I’m not walking that path.  Give me the path less travelled by.  Let me walk the road marred by sacrifice and tears.  Let me trod the trail that evidences no sign of celebrity compromise, blinded by the flash of photography.

And let me walk it with Christ leading me.

Picture taken from http://baseballsnatcher.mlblogs.com/paparazzi.jpg

10 Things I Learned From My Daughters

10. If you poke someone in the eye, you need to apologize.

 

9. It’s best not to eat cereal with your hands… and then run them through your hair.

8. You should always eat fruit with every meal.  Preferably cut up strawberries or peeled oranges.

 

7. If you did something wrong, it’s best not to look like you did.

 

6. You always need to take care of those you love.

 

5. You should always take a nap at least once a day.  No exceptions.

 

4. It’s always comforting to fall asleep with family.

 

3.It’s always nice to wake up to family.

 

2. I don’t deserve any of God’s blessings that I receive in life.

 

and the #1 thing I learned from my daughters…

“Love never fails”

 

Photographs taken by Justin Lacanilao

The Book Cover

This self-revelation came to me.  A new nickname.  Just call me… The Book Cover.  Why?  Because I get judged, that’s why.  I’m just wondering if there’s some sort of vibe or look that I give off that makes people immediately judge me either positively or negatively.  I’m not sure.  But I always get the feeling that people see me differently than I really am.  Maybe I should work on my first impression.

Or maybe it’s because I’m 26 and when people introduce me as a pastor it means nothing to them.  Maybe in the eyes of many, I haven’t yet paid my dues, or my credibility is called into question, or maybe they “despise me because of my youth.”  Maybe I haven’t made it around the circuit enough.  Maybe I haven’t spoken at enough churches or taught at enough universities or my name isn’t as well known as others.

Maybe it’s the way I dress.  Shorts, t-shirt, and some kicks don’t necessarily scream out that I’m a pastor.  Maybe my look discredits me and leads others not to take me seriously when it comes to the ministry.

The Book Cover.  Don’t judge me just yet.

I have to be honest.  Most of the people who find out that I’m a pastor engage me in conversation and we begin to have a nice talk about the ministry, my life, my testimony, their life, their opinions and an overall “getting to know you, getting to know all about you” moment.  But there are some that seem to not want to have anything to do with me when they find out that little nugget of information.  And it’s not the people that first come to your mind.

These are the ones who are established members of various ministries.  They are other pastors, teachers, Bible school professors.  They are the elders, the deacons, the associate pastors and church leaders.  They are the ones that have years of experience on me.  They are the ones that I shake hands with and say but two words to me.  They are the ones that I hope to look to for encouragement, advice, guidance, direction, and possible mentorship.

Maybe I’m making a big deal about it.  Maybe it’s my insecurities.  Maybe it’s me creating some sort of internal controversy to further motivate and inspire me to do more and be more for God.

Whatever it is, the fact still reminds.

I’m human.  And I don’t like to be judged.

But what can I do about that?  I don’t know.  Prove to others that I’m not who they seem?  Work harder to prove to myself that I’m not who people think I am?  Judge others just as extensively and shallow as I seem to be judged by first impression, just to give them a taste of their own medicine?

I may just do that.  All of it may be justified, even urged by others.  I just may, but not just yet.

Because as of right now… I still have some reading to do.

Picture taken from http://blogacademy.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/first-impressions.jpg

Follow the Leader

I’ve always known that a true, successful leader is not defined by what they accomplish, but by what their followers accomplish.  For more than a decade, I’ve been placed in positions of leadership.  Is there such a thing as a natural born leader?  I’m not sure.  I’m leaning more to the notion that a leader is made, not born.  All I know is that as a leader I’m still learning.  And I’m confident that I’ll still be learning for decades more to come.

There are many leadership hats that I must wear.  As a husband I must lead my wife.  As a father I must lead my daughters.  As a pastor, I must lead my congregation.  As a project manager I must lead my team.  There are many people to lead.

The difficulty comes in how to lead all these different people.

How I lead my wife is different from how I lead my daughters.  How I lead one member of the congregation is different from how I should lead another member.  How I lead one employee is different from another.

Every person is different.  Every person has different buttons, different motivational hot spots, many insecurities, many talents, many strengths, and many different ways that they follow.

They are also detracted from certain types of leaders.  How in the world am I supposed to figure out how each person is to be treated?

One person needs affirmation while another person needs scrutiny.  Another needs structure while yet another needs freedom.  People will all react differently to how I approach them.  I’ve learned that there is no “cookie cutter” leadership.  One leadership style will mesh with one while resent another.

So what must I do?  Observe.  Adapt.  Understand.

Love.

To emulate the greatest leader ever to grace this world with His presence, Jesus Christ based His entire ministry on love.

I can talk to people differently, motivate them differently, criticize them differently, push them differently, educate them differently, instruct them differently, and overall lead each person differently.

But I must love them all the same.

Picture taken from http://www.chromasia.com/galleries/0701052111.php

Where’s the Love?

Yesterday, in church, we studied the topic of loving one another as a commandment.  There were many things that we discussed and many thoughts crossed through my mind.  There was one, however, that we didn’t expound on too much, but stayed with me for awhile, even until now.  I talked briefly about it with a few church members and one visitor, which evidences to me how I’m not the only one who feels this way.

Jesus Christ gave us the greatest commandment when He told us to love the Lord God with all of our heart, soul, mind and strength (Mark 12:30).  As men and women, we strive to accomplish this.  I’ve noticed many people giving their all to the Lord, hands raised to the heavens, singing their hearts out, constantly praising God and expressing how much they love Him.  They reiterate it through their prayers, their songs, their verbal testimony, their preaching, and their social networking sites like Facebook, Myspace, Twitter and whatever else we get into.  They really do love God.

But what about the second that is just like it?  To love one another as oneself (v.31)?  It’s interesting how people will be more than willing to show how much they love God and follow that commandment, but when commanded to love others, there’s no evidence of obedience.

What?  Are we defined as Christians by how much love we show to God through our worship and church services?  Isn’t it ironic that in order to show how much we love God, we do it, not by putting on a public display of adoration, but rather through genuinely loving others?

I’ve seen self-proclaimed Christians who will worship and sing, preach and teach and tell everyone how and why we should love God.  But these same Christians will then ignore others who are unlike themselves.  They will be unwelcoming, lacking the warmth of love when visitors enter into their church or their territory.  I’ve seen Christians, attending other Christian events, (not their own) and lack respect by talking and laughing throughout the entire performance, displaying no sense of reverence for the message being brought forth.  I’ve seen Christians who will love only those who love themselves.  What good is that?  Luke 6:32 “But if you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them.”

Are we only choosing which commandments to follow?  Do we have it in our minds that it’s sufficient enough to love God and neglect loving others?  Do we think loving God and not others is good enough to pass as Christians in this world?

As Christians, sometimes we do well to love God with all that we have.  But to love God with all that we have means to follow that which He has commanded us.  If we really love God like we publicly display we do, then shouldn’t we also love, not unconditionally, but volitionally?  Shouldn’t we choose to love others because Christ loved them enough to die for all of us?  If we really love God, shouldn’t we love others enough to serve them?

Greater love hath no man than this… that a man lay down his life for his friends.  Not martyrdom.  Service.  Greater love hath no man than this… that a man serve his friends.

Christ served us by dying for us.

For all those people who love to tell others how much they love God and willing to do anything for Him, are we willing to love God enough to love others?  Enough with this, Pharisee-ical, Laodicean, hypocritical Christianity where we will only follow the commandments that we want to follow.

So looking around, who’s really a Christian?  I’ll believe the one who will genuinely love others…

… rather than the one who says they already do.

Picture taken from http://gallery.photo.net/photo/5023830-lg.jpg

Back to Reality

Josiah eating cheese pizza, extra cheese with Parmesan cheese

It’s unbelievable how many feelings and emotions a person can feel in the span of a few hours.  We just enjoyed a wonderful night of fun, food, fundraising and fellowship at a local pizza parlor here in Southern California.  We used it as an opportunity to invite our friends and family to come and enjoy our company, spend time with members of our church congregation in hopes of sharing the love of God with them and sharing the Gospel through lifestyle evangelism, just the pure unadulterated effort of showing love to our brethren.  We were able to spend time with other brothers and sisters in Christ and meet new friends as well as welcome in old ones.  It was a great night.

Driving home, I just thanked God for His overwhelming goodness.  It’s times like these that I’m reminded of the natural joy and blessedness that I feel by simply trying to live a life that is in obedience to His will.  I prayed that God was glorified this evening.

But just as high and wonderful I felt, the moment that I arrived at home, before I even finished parking my car, I received a phone call that brought me completely back to reality.  The phone call reminded me of the reality of our mortality.  They asked me to pray.  So I did.

3 hours later, I’m still overcome with grief, sadness, and every moment I get I say a prayer for the family that I was asked to pray for.  I prayed with my family minutes after I go through my front doors.  Just a prayer to remind ourselves that despite all of it, God is still good, He is still sovereign, and we never want to forget that our lives are but a fleeting moment.  We must do all that we can for Him.

Interestingly enough, I had a conversation with a friend of mine earlier today who discussed how he was tired of his life and wanted to try something new.  He was bored and didn’t know how to solve his feeling of apathy.  A few hours later, a pastor friend of mine and his wife was joking around and wondered how I could do everything and be every where and juggle all the things that I had on my plate.

I told him that I just came to the realization that I don’t want to waste my time, I want to be as productive as I can at every possible moment.  I don’t want to “veg” out in front of the television when I could be doing more important things with my time.

If I have any time I’m giving it to my family first of all, and then to the ministry.  I sat down with our associate pastor just yesterday and we got on the topic of work ethic and time management.  He told me how he wants to develop an understanding of how to make the most out of his time.  I told him that I fill my hours with my bi-vocational job, then my family.  When my family is asleep, that is when I have a few hours to work when the entire house is quiet.  Even if I have to stay awake until 1-2am in the morning, I do.  Quite honestly, these are the hours I look forward to most (aside from playing with my daughters and spending time with my family.  Just think about it… what time do you think it is right now as I’m writing this?  I just finished the sermon for this week, which is a bit tardy, but I’ve got some more time as my girls are asleep so here I am writing my thoughts down.)

It never used to be this way.  But one of the greatest things to happen to me was my family.  After marriage and becoming a father, it just gave me a greater appreciation and sense of urgency for time.  No longer could I just wait around.  I only had but a few moments out of the day and I had to make the most of it.  If I found myself oversleeping or being too engrossed in a television show or movie that I all of a sudden lost track of time, I would kick myself for being so undisciplined and focus on regaining that time I’ve lost.

I don’t want to waste it.

Without straying too much off on a tangent, we go back to that family.  No time is ever guaranteed.  I suppose we need to make the most of all the time that we’re here.  People make the most of their time in various ways.  The reminder of our mortality gives people a deeper sense of perspective when it comes to our lives.  Are we doing enough?  Will we regret anything?  Should we still do more?  Are we productive in our lives?

In the end, when I give an account for my actions to God, I just hope I don’t regret doing… or not doing anything

Am I Good Enough?

One of the biggest struggles for me is the thought that I haven’t done enough.  Somewhere between my underachieving adolescent high school days and now, I’ve developed into some sort of type-A, insanely active, must-get-things-done-for-the-sake-of-remaining-productive creature of conditioned, ministerial habit.  How and when did it change?  I have no clue.  You can ask my sisters about what their brother was like and how listless and stubborn I was growing up.

But now, I can’t seem to do enough.  And, as we all know, the harshest critics always tend to be ourselves.  I come down on myself harder than anybody else.  This is why I feel I can take people’s criticism and expectations because how I scrutinize myself and what I expect out of what I can do far exceeds anybody else.

But therein is the problem.  When I fall short of what I feel was a necessary effort, I come down on myself.  Hard.  I become disappointed, ashamed, guilty, and convicted of what I did or didn’t do.

Especially when it comes to the Lord’s work.

When I analyze my work and my effort, in retrospect, during some cases I become disappointed in my preparation, my organization, my time management, my work ethic in getting ready for a moment where I can share God’s Word, show God’s love, or be a character witness to others that Jesus Christ is real and that He died for each and every one of us.  When I don’t feel like I’ve done enough, it eats me alive inside.  It forces me to reconsider my character, my mind set, my schedule, my focus, my priorities in order to give to Him and to others what they rightfully deserve: a full hearted effort of love, time, attention, and all my ability to serve.

This leads to extreme peaks and valleys.  I crash, hit rock bottom, disgusted at myself for not giving more in service to God and to others.  I wonder… Am I good enough?

When I was 15 years old, I remember walking around after work (yes I was working at that age.. 14 to be exact) and looking up at the sky.  I spoke out, praying to God, asking why me?  Why has He placed this burden of His ministry on my heart?  What is it about me that had Him set me apart from my friends and others my age?

I remember asking Him to just let me go.  God, please just let me fail.  Just leave me alone to live a life without the pressure that I currently feel.  I’m not the person you want.  I’m not the person you need.  I’m not good enough.

But I’m reminded of 1 John 3:20 that “If our hearts condemn us, God is greater than our heart and knows all things.”  When that little voice in my ear begins to make me doubt my status as a child of God, as His loved one, as someone whom God deemed important enough to send His Son Jesus Christ to die on the cross for my sins, I just remind myself that even when my own heart condemns me, God is greater than that.

And as far as me being good enough?  I’ll just tell you what God reminded me in His Word:

“My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.”

Picture taken from http://janeheller.mlblogs.com/disappointed.jpg

Pray For Me

I was listening to the radio and I heard something that was interesting, convicting, and revealing all at the same time.  It made me sit up and think if I was guilty of what the pastor on the other side of the radio was claiming.  If so, I definitely needed to think about my position, my character, and my intentions and consider that I may need to make changes.

To paraphrase, the statement made was that whenever a person prays, or comes to prayer, it is mainly with them in mind.  It is a prayer about “me.”

I sat and thought about this statement.  But after considering my own actions, I mainly concur with his claim.  When I come to prayer, it will normally start off with petitions on my behalf.  “Lord, please give me strength.  Lord please provide for my needs.  Please answer my prayers.  Please Lord, I need hope and patience.  Please Lord, I need, I want, I request, if in accordance to Your will, let it happen.”

Yes, we are absolutely needy people and in no way am I telling people not to pray to God for our own needs and petitions, but we cannot forget to emphasize a prayer based on others.  We must be thoughtful and considerate of others when it comes to our prayer time.  To pray for another person’s needs.  To pray for somebody else’s well being.  To pray for somebody else’s relationship with God.

Let’s think about it.  When we come to a realization that we need to go to prayer at some random, spur of the moment time during the day, is it because we are thinking about somebody that has a need or because we encountered a situation where we need to rely upon God’s strength and ask for His mercy and grace to be bestowed upon us personally?

If we truly obey God’s commandment to love your neighbor as yourself (Matt. 22:39) then should we not give precedence to our brethren when it comes to prayer?  Should we not be considerate when we are given the blessing to come before God and boldly approach His throne of grace that at that moment, we should consider others when considering ourselves?

Maybe I’m in the small majority that carries this mindset.  If so, it’s a change in my thinking that led to this frame of mind when it comes to prayer:

Is it our first instinct to pray for others?  Or for ourselves?

Picture taken from http://ckpj.com/Projects/Youth%20Faith/Youth%20Faith%20Photos/Faith_01_web.jpg

Wow… Really?

So… this weekend marked one of the great events for evangelistic outreaches.  Harvest Crusade, led by Greg Laurie has been instrumental in leading many people to Christ, and at the same time provided avenues to help disciple new believers into beginning a relationship with our Lord and to develop into a Christ-like maturity.  Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to attend, thought I wish I could have.  From what I’ve heard, it was an unbelievable event.

What makes me go “Wow… Really?” is not the undisputed God-glorifying event that Harvest Crusade is, but rather the indication by a certain group, professing to be Christians, that urged people not to attend Harvest Crusade, but rather their event.  Wow… Really?  Is this really our mindset as individuals, Christians, or as a church?  Are we competing against other groups, hoping to stave them off from attending a God magnifying, edifying event, filled with praise and worship for God, just in the hopes of building the attendance for our event?

Why?  Why in the world would a so-called believer want to serve as a stumbling block unto others just because they want their “ministry” to be more successful than another?  Is that our end goal?  Is that what we strive for?  Have we lost perspective that if people aren’t going to our event that we’d rather not let them go to any other event that will help them grow in their walk and provide opportunities to bring their unsaved friends and loved ones to hear the Gospel? 

Possibly, it was a sarcastic comment, meant jokingly.  Even so, I’m disgusted at the fact that a believer in Jesus Christ who professes to be defined by love is not loving enough by thwarting any efforts for someone to attend an event like Harvest Crusade in favor of their event in hopes of building their numbers and increasing the number of faces they see in the audience.

Wow… really?  I mean.. really?  I think somebody needs a ministry check.  I’ll save you a seat at next years Harvest Crusade.

Picture taken from http://www.donself.com/images/confused-baby.bmp